My Satire


Coming soon to a television near you! The latest and greatest American sport, video gaming! That’s right now you can enjoy watching someone else watch a screen on a screen fantastic! This is no joke professional video gamers are now officially recognized as athletes by the USA and it’s about time!

From Halo to World of Warcraft you’ll be able to watch it all as these fierce competitors slug it out. Who knows perhaps the chairs of the Olympic board will smarten up and finally let these proverbial bosses compete in the biggest sports event in the world. I mean if America does it shouldn’t everyone? They are the most athletic and fit nation on the planet right?

For years this noble and ancient sport has been denied legitimacy by “haters”. These naysayers wanted to slander the sport by claiming there was no real skill or physical challenge involved with it. They’ve also tried to convince the world that gaming takes very little hard work and conditioning. This just isn’t true.

Video Game athletes go through intense physical training and face real physical obstacles. These brave men and women have to condition and toughen their fingers every day in order to compete. They also need to practice refraining from going to the bathroom for longs hours at a time as is necessary. Other extremely monumental challenges they must overcome include sore butts,  blisters, tiredness of the eyes, and muscle atrophy! Not to mention the emotional hardships of dealing with the rude comments of ten year old haters online!

Hopefully now that video gamers have been identified as real athletes and video gaming as a real sport other sports will gain the recognition they deserve. It’s time that the chess players, puzzle makers, and monopoly tycoons of the world take their rightful place as athletes equal to all the track stars and other current olympians.       


How can other athletes scoff at such talent and physical dedication. Surely they must realize that video gaming is on par with the level of difficulty of their sports. Video gaming is just as strenuous as olympic weightlifting, takes just as much practice as discus and pole vaulting, incorporates as much teamwork as hockey, and calls for just as much precision as archery and diving. In all honest all these other athletes are probably just jealous because they could never push the limitations of their bodies like video gamers do.


I hear wrestling is on it’s way out of the olympics. Thank god! Now there’s more room for real sports like professional gaming! Honestly it’s not surprising that inferior sports are making their way out people want to see real action! It is likely that video gaming will become the most popular sport in the world now that it has been fully recognized as a sport. I’m sure everyone will realize just home stupid they were not to accept gaming as a sport all along. A new generation of athletes are here and they’re here to stay.


















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